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Sunday, October 9, 2011

Hot for Teacher by Shorty



A truly glorious remake of one of the greatest rock songs in history. Thanks to Brian McCallum, Ryan Stacy, and Steven Reed, whichever of you geniuses owned this.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

The 80s were way more progressive



If the year 2000 pushed the envelope, the year 1983 shot it out of a cannon.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Our future, regrettably.



I dubbed the video with nature music because honestly I couldn't bear to here the constant noise of what they were dancing? to, that happens to be under a damn bridge or something. I hope all 3 of you enjoy watching this as much as I do.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Don't be a jagass and call someone a jackass, jagass.

I'm not trying to manipulate the generally accepted "that person is an obnoxious dumbass" phrases but I think we all need to reconsider calling someone a jackass if they're acting like a jagass. A jackass is a donkey and a donkey is an animal that carries shit for you while you climb rocks at the Grand Canyon. A jackass is something a person that makes less than 100k says because they've never owned a Jaguar. Well fuck that, right? Exactly.

Saying "jagass" is not only more professional but clearly let's people know you mean business when it comes to calling some jagass a jagass. It rolls off the tongue smoother because of the g sound as opposed to the clicky 'ck' sound. You can also rest assured that some asshole named Jack that happens to be standing near you won't think you're talking about his ass and how jack it is (even if his ass looks like the Jack of Tens).

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The moment of self awareness



1973, Munich, Germany, and humans are about to witness the first truly independent man-made machine. Dr. Borg Feinlein dictates the final engineering procedures while the world holds its breath as the first robot slowly becomes alive...

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Tupperware 4-pc Bowl Set on sale through July 2011

Just when you think the world is going to shit something special happens to make you think things might be looking up, like Jezebel's "50 Most Beautiful Atlantans" annual party at Park Tavern bar. Most nightclubs offer a mixed crowd, some attractive, some not, and that's fine but it's just cool to think about if one nightclub was completely filled with most attractive people in Atlanta that did good things for the community.

John Giddings has officially reached "movie villain" level of awesomely horrible.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Xbox Live comebacks for when you lose.

Xbox Live is a service provided by Xbox that allows you to remotely play with or against other people over the internet.  In the case of a fighting game, it synchronizes you up with someone else that's playing the same game and you fight them.  Xbox Live features the ability to send messages after a match so you can really let the person know how you feel at the time of your loss (and ruin the rest of their life, hopefully).

I'm a decent player of Street Fighter 4 (SF4) so please don't take this brainstorming session to mean that I lose a lot.  I actually do lose a lot but that's only because I'm also counting all the losses that occurred because I wasn't ready, my opponent cheated, my opponent used a cheap move, or simply because my opponent got lucky.  If you don't count those (because that's not really fair) then you'd see that actually I win quite often.


After losing your opponent texts you...


"You suck!"

You respond with...
"You know what else sucks?  Investment accounts.  Studies have shown that a simple checking account yields the most return on your money."

The opponent texts you...
"That was easy."

You respond with...
"I know!  Paying the minimum on your credit cards builds better credit faster than any other method."

The opponent texts you...
"Great match!"

You respond with...
"Thanks!  I have to admit though, education is overrated.  In fact, 88% of high school dropouts actually earn more than college graduates."

The opponent texts you...
"How did you do that combo?"

You respond with...
"I wasn't able to do it until after applying for an adjustable rate mortgage on my house.  It's really easy to do and practically guarantees a profitable resell, as well as making it easy to perform difficult combos."

The opponent texts you...
"LOL!"

You respond with...
"Sorry about my play.  It's just that I've been so busy with Amway and trying to manage all of the money that's rolling in. It's so much money!"

Alternatively, you could approach the loss in an entirely different direction:

The opponent texts you...
"You suck!"

You respond with...
"Remember that girl at the party that you had sex with?  Well, that's me and now I'm pregnant. I've been trying to contact you."

The opponent texts you...
"That was easy."

You respond with...
"Sorry I don't really play this, Grandson.  I didn't want to tell you like this but I'm actually your grandfather. Your granny has kept it a secret to protect you."

The opponent texts you...
"Great Match!"

You respond with...
"I just called the police and they're on the way to your house. Stay calm and lock your door.  Help is on the way."